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My jaw, for example, remained small and heart shaped, and I developed breasts. I first experimented with cross dressing at that time. Then, the worst thing I could imagine was being a "queer." I masturbated constantly, but assured myself that I must be straight because I was so turned on by the gorgeous naked women in the magazines I used as visual aids. Of course now I realize that I was actually Identifying with these women. One afternoon, when I was 18 and my mom was at work, I wandered into her room and began rummaging through her dresser - her underwear drawer in particular. She had an array of lacy and string bikini panties. Impulsively - I was naked and was beating off - I put on a pair of black string panties. Almost without thinking, like I was being guided by an invisible hand, I applied some of her red lipstick to my pouty lips, and looked in the mirror. I was shocked; instead of seeing the plain little boy I was used to seeing, there was a sexy looking woman! A thrill ran. "Are you okay?" I gasped. She turned and nodded, her face pale and wan. "You look terrible." I've been better," she uttered, then put her hand over her mouth. She turned away and heaved repeatedly, producing nothing but thick phlegm. "The soup must have disagreed with me." Should I call a physician?" No. I'm beginning to feel much better now."The bath filled and emptied, flushing away the mess she'd made. I used a spare towel to wipe it down and then urged her into the depression, holding her hand as the water engulfed her. I spent the remainder of the night providing comfort, fetching drinks and pampering her. With both of us exhausted, I insisted on escorting her back to her quarters.I'd have remained until Tamar returned, but she insisted it would be better for me not to be discovered alone with her in the room. Reluctantly, I took my leave and stopped off in the food area, collecting a small amount of breakfast to take with me to the lab.Malik stared in horror at the food arranged.
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